Things that suck and things that don’t

Things that suck:

1. Richard Cunningham. RC sucked as editor of MBA, and he transitioned from that experience into sucking as a Tech Editor at Pinkbike. No one writes worse articles at Pinkbike, including the scads of unpaid freeriders who contribute random web content. If you are a paid writer who writes worse than ACTUAL bike riders who can’t even spell, you suck. He writes the same five articles over and over and over.

Actual RC Quote from Pinkbike’s coverage of Giant’s new “Overdrive” standard.

“I can’t find anything morally or physically wrong about the Overdrive concept and it requires no special frame standard, so I’ll take a wait-and see approach. A hell of a lot has changed on the basic mountain bike since I started making them in the 80’s…. like everything… so I’ve had to gulp down a lot of “new standards.”

See if you can spot the similarity between that quote, and this one:

“1001, 1002, 1003, Oh.. Mrs. Corningstone, I wasn’t expecting company. Just doing my workout… Tuesday’s arms and back. It’s a deep burn. I don’t know if you heard me counting, but I did over a thousand of them.”

Oh, maybe you didn’t notice I started a bike company a million years ago that flopped and no one remembers. I don’t know how to say this, but I’m kind of a big deal because I consider myself a pioneer in mountain bike history. I’m even in the hall of fame. I invented the modern trail bike. I invented the term “black diamond riding.” I was responsible for the only bike magazine worse than Dirt Rag.

2. This year’s official Crankworx coverage:

http://player.freecaster.com/FCPlayer.swf?id=dj0xMDE2ODQ0JmM9MTAwMDAwNg

It’s the worst coverage of any event of all time ever. The video speaks for itself. I think the top half of Rach and Stevie’s runs were actually filmed with webcams. I don’t know whether I should refer to the two people holding microphones as narrators, washed up snowboarders, or as well-medicated Ambien users. The coverage was so bad, that I was excited when I found a video where I only had to listen to Brett Tippie. When you’re a video commentator and you’re worse than Brett Tippie, you really only have two options: Kill yourself.

3. You and your team.

Strikes against your team:

-You and your team haven’t done a lot of winning lately. Here’s an idea that might help you out of that slump: Don’t be such a pussy.
-Our team is obviously kicking your team’s ass at things such as bike riding, winning at life, and naming our team.
-You’re currently reading our site. You clearly suck.

Things that don’t suck:

1. Our team.

Team Robot just finished killing, maiming, and destroying at Schweitzer Mountain in Idaho this past weekend. It was a super fun weekend, super fun course, and my first ever pro win.

Taking first place by three seconds, winning $150, and having a great time all weekend all help to remind me why I love riding so much: to show how much better our team is than yours.

2. Everything else about Crankworx. I didn’t go again, because I’m broke, but Crankworx is amazing. Pumptrack racing, Garbo DH, Slalom, and Whip World Championships? Awesome. This doesn’t suck:

http://www.vitalmtb.com/vplayer/8386%2Emp4

Graham Agassiz – Whip Off Worlds Best Whip Not Pulled Back – More Mountain Bike Videos

Neither does this:

http://www.vitalmtb.com/vplayer/8383%2Emp4

Eliot Jackson – Whip Off Worlds Best Scrub Winner – More Mountain Bike Videos

This clearly doesn’t suck:

http://www.vitalmtb.com/vplayer/8388%2Emp4

Anthony Messere MEGA BLASTING at Crankworx – More Mountain Bike Videos

There is way more to love about Crankworx than there is to hate. But hating this guy is easy AND fun.

3. Mikey Sylvestri does not suck.

Beating Greg Minnaar, setting the all time Skibowl record three different times, and never training. Mikey kills it and has more fun than anyone else in the process. He is always the most fun person to watch on course. Pretty much, Mikey does the opposite of sucking (Abstinence?).

With his speed and potential, it’s a crime that Mikey isn’t racing World Cups.

4. Random old world cup footage you stumble across never sucks:

Rennie and Needles are pinned.

That is all. In the meantime, I will think of more things that suck.
-Chazz