You’re doing it wrong

If you’ve been drinking water to hydrate yourself, you’re doing it wrong. Here’s an scientific study that proves:

“Bottled water doesn’t prevent dehydration.”

No joke. If people in labcoats said it, it must be true.

ST. PETERSBURG —

In a declaration being met with widespread criticism, the European Food Standards Authority has ruled bottled water distributors can’t advertise that their products prevent dehydration.

After three years of discussion, commission officials decided water doesn’t meet their standards and doesn’t prevent dehydration.

“This is extremely dangerous because what they’re going to do is someone’s going to read a portion of this study and say, well, I don’t need water. Then they’re going to stop drinking water,” said Priority Health’s Dr. Randy Shuck.

Dr. Shuck says humans need water to survive and sports drinks like Gatorade haven’t been around for most of human history.

“I have a patient in the hospital right now who drank too much Gatorade, and their sodium went too high, and their potassium went too high. They didn’t drink any water. So, try that study. That says that they’re clinically dehydrated and they were drinking Gatorade. So the point is, you have to have water,” Dr. Shuck says. (Editor’s note: Gatorade has the electrolytes plants crave).

The results of the European Union’s ruling came from an attempt by two German academics to test EU advertising rules when companies can claim their products reduce the risk of a disease.

Politicians in the United Kingdom said if companies make a claim about bottled water and preventing hydration, whoever is responsible for the claim could face two years in prison.

This is why TEAM ROBOT doesn’t drink water. Water is for pathetic humans. Team Robot only drinks oil and human blood.

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