Your pitiful human bodies are inferior for the task of moving dirt.
This new pumptrack berm took one day to build. And by one day, I mean we didn’t get started until about 2:30 pm and it gets dark at, like, noon. That means we built it in negative two and a half hours. So basically you suck.
The other reason you suck is because you like pumptracks. You probably think pumptracks are the new thing because they’re all over the internet and Decline and everybody talks about them. You probably got excited when you read that I was building one.
Pumptracks are the lowest version of dirt moving. If you are too lazy to build a real trail, and too much of a pussy to build a set of jumps, you build a pumptrack. Mark Wier invented pumptracks, like he invented super-D, because he couldn’t win XC or downhill. That’s a scientific fact, I read it on the internet. Because you suck at all three of these activities, you probably also get stoked about pumptracks. Plus, they’re great for “skill building.” You know what else is great for skill building? Ride your bike up the tallest hill or mountain available, then ride back down it. Repeat as necessary.
Alternatively, you could build a pumptrack. When it’s done, you and your non-existent friends will ride around in circles for about two weeks before you realize that:
A) you suck at building pumptracks
C) you’re tired of going around in circles like an idiot. Going in endless circles for hours can be fun when you’re driving 800 horsepower V8 death machines, swapping paint with a bunch of rednecks at 200 mph. When you’re alone on your bike, not as much.
Ultimately, pumptracks are not that sweet. My goal is to prove this. I am going to build a pumptrack way cooler than yours to prove that even a robot-engineered punmptrack is not half as fun as a puny, human-built set of jumps.
jumps > pumptracks
The original pumptrack: