The BROst office jumps

If I hear one more person tell me that “the Post Office jumps are like way hella gnarly and they’re the biggest steepest gnarliest jumps ever” I will accelerate their death.

They are steep. Congratulations. I’m mailing out your medal tomorrow, it should be down there early next week. Congratulations, mountain biking has one set of steep jumps in the whole world.

Yes, it’s cool that they are dug by mountain bikers. Yes they look like fun to ride. Yes, you are good at riding your bikes. But, if you have everyone in the world come dig there and you have access to machinery, guess what? No, I’m not blown away by your “core” scene. This just in, you’ve had the same six hips for five years. Oh, you stacked them slightly taller and steeper every year? Great. Again, your medal is in the mail.

Besides, if you’ve had the same played out hips at your trails for five years and you’ve only made slight changes and made them slightly taller, but you still take tons of photographs and video of them and expect people to be excited about your minimal progress, you’re not the first person to do that. There’s already a blog about a set of jumps just like that.

Your jumps are not the biggest or scariest jumps ever. Consult the above picture of the post office. Then find me an angle where the jump pictured below looks mellow:

As for the biggest ever, you have 12 jumps on a small tract of land on a slight incline with a roll-in of finite height. That finite height is roughly nine feet tall. BREAKING NEWS: your nine foot roll in is going to be a limiting factor in your candidacy for the SICKEST JUMPS EVER award.

And another thing. Brandon Semenuk’s cork 7’s at ham and steeze were sick. So was Mike Montgomery’s stupid huge huck transfer to almost flat. Actually your jumps look like a lot of fun. That said, if I see another winter time edit of random people “flowing” through the post office at sunset getting “steezy” and showing what the “no dig no ride” scene is all about at “the office” I will do exactly the same thing I always do: not watch. Consider yourself warned.

To all the bro’d out locals at the post office that think they’re the only people in the entire world who have ever built a jump: You’re from California. You suck.

To all the bike tourists who come back from the post office and tell me how amazing they are: You may or may not be from California. You suck.

To anyone still doing whatever this trick is called: If you’re not from California you probably wish you were. You suck.

Paul if you don’t hit them while you’re in Santa Cruz you suck.

One thought on “The BROst office jumps

  1. Dude – are u tweakin? I was just down Aptos catching Sooooo much air that even the McCauls were like……”Nigga Whaaaat??? Did he just do that??”

    I guess some people would just rather be taco'n rims at the graveyard, LOL.

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