THE DO NOT KILL LIST: Mike Hall

Mike works at the shop with me. He’s the associate/co/quasi manager, which translates to him clearly not giving a shit about anything. Mike works 25 hours a week in a position with little to no real responsibilities so that he can ride a ton, and doesn’t care about “advancement” or “getting ahead” at work or any of that. He motivates me to work less and less, and encourages things like sitting, avoiding customers, and cutting corners. Basically, Mike is the man, and he is the opposite of Paul Lacava.

Mike mainly rides road and races cross, but he is starting to ride mountain bikes, and unfortunately he got a smoking deal on a carbon 29er hardtail, so that’s working against him. Don’t worry, I religiously give him shit about his 29er everytime we talk about bikes, so he’ll sort that out and get a real bike sooner or later. His bike came with Stan’s ZTR rims on random Formula OEM hubs, so he got his first adventure in wheel building by swapping the hubs over to some FSA hubs we had sitting around. It took him like 4 hours to build the front wheel because he laced it wrong over and over again, and then even after he got it done, hilarity ensued. This is why pussies quit biking really soon, and why real winners like Mike win at life:

“Got my new hubs swapped over. I’m not a wheel builder. That freakin took me forever…you’ll love this!!! When I got home last night I was testing them out. I was in the neighbors driveway and the rear tire blew right off the rim. It was so loud it was ridiculous. I could hear nearby neighbors coming out of their homes to see what the fuck just happened. As I carried my bike to my garage (ears ringing) I barely noticed our house alarm was going off. Explosion must’ve shook the windows and set off the house alarm which I had not disarmed yet cuz I was so stoked to check out my bike. Furthermore I and everything around me was covered in Stan’s No Tube Sealant. The only thing left to do after that was laugh my fucking ass off. I checked the front wheel tire pressure after that and my digital gauge read 62.5psi. Note to self… floor pump in shop at work does not have an accurate pressure gauge.

Anyway…surprisingly the tire bead was A OK and so was I..no injuries although the left inside part of my left leg was stinging quite a bit from the tire slapping against it when it blew off. I also think the rear wheel is completely out of true from the immense pressure during explosion. Seriously Shane, that thing was so loud it scared the shit out of me. I thought somebody had set off a M80 or stick a dynamite right behind me.”