In terms of aptitude with technology, I’m basically a 70-year-old stuck in a 23-year old’s body. I’m so far off the back, I still have a yahoo email account. For the privilege of using yahoo mail, I am treated to little “news” stories that pop up in the window all around whatever I actually want to look at. These news stories can range from “who wore that the best” to “8 recipes with pine nuts” to “eat this not that” to “Kourtney Kardashian said what?”
I’ve affectionately dubbed these little stories “the fake news”. Basically they’re hardly news stories, and they’re targeted at the lowest-common-denominator human beings in the internet-reading gene pool. Obviously I read them all.
So today in the fake news, I saw an article labeled “Careers That Won’t Make You Fat.” I like a good challenge as much as the next guy, so I wanted to see if I could disprove their lofty claim.
Simple mission: pick the #1 career that “won’t make you fat” (it was firefighting, by the way), and see if I could find a counterpoint.
One quick google search on “fat firefighter” later, and mission accomplished:
After accomplishing my goal and, subsequently, my whole day’s labors, I scrolled down to see what the other allegedly “non-fattening” careers were.
#3 was “Landscaping:”
Wait, what does a landscaper look like again?
It was at that moment that I realized I had clicked the wrong link on the webpage. This goes back to that aptitude with technology problem I have. I thought I had clicked “Careers That Won’t Make You Fat,” with a list of actual careers that won’t make you fat.
In actuality I had accidentally clicked the link right next to it entitled “Costumes for male strippers that you need to not be fat for:”
I wanted to make the best out of a bad situation, so I tried to think of who I could send it to that could use that sort of information.
I sent the link to Bob immediately.
Bob’s still dialing in his gay lumberjack outfit.