Mountain bikers suck

The first time I saw one of these photos it was horrible, but they still keep coming. They just won’t stop. This is the reason bmx riders hate mountain bikers. If you spent three hours at the skatepark trying to land a complex manual line with three barspins, a 30 foot nose manual and it finishes with a nose bonk to cash roll, and then this asshole rolled up on his STP with nevegals, a front brake through the steerer, nine miles of shifter cable going out to his loud ass turn of the millennium XT derailleur that sounds like he’s playing spoons when he rides, with a 6 inch ‘Zoc up front getting steered by 26 inch bars, you would want to kill him too. And that’s before he dialed in his “scrubs” and “shoulder buzzers” on the flyout. For all the BMX riders out there who don’t speak mountain biker, the words “scrub” and “shoulder buzzer” roughly translate to your word “bar turn.”

But I’m assuming that he also likes to “sesh” the skatepark. Even if he doesn’t ruin other people’s worlds, like bmxers and skateboarders, all his mountain bike friends hate him too. That’s a fact, you can take that to the bank. He’s the male equivalent of the Designated Ugly Fat Friend. You know he emailed this hilarious picture to all 90 people that are on his local ride club email list and then forwarded around all two of the responses that he got to his photo. His emails go directly into most of his “friends” spam filters.

And guaranteed he’s a goon on the trail. Lip skids for days. I bet you he also shows up to “build days,” puts in his 2 hours a year and then carries that sense of entitlement to every trail he rides. “Hey bro, share the ride! We’re all just trying to feel the stoke, bro.” “These trails aren’t yours, MAN, they’re, like, on public land bro.”

So next time you have a funny idea for bike-related humor, just do the world a favor and die. If you’re the sort of person who dreams up stuff like this, you’re also the type of person who has friend groups that will secretly appreciate your absence when you’re gone. No one will miss you or your stupid pictures.

Anyway, that photo sucked.

These photos never get old:

 

2 thoughts on “Mountain bikers suck

  1. Chazz, Aren't you one of those guys who takes the MAX train to the Zoo and “Bombs” thru the Rose Garden,etc wearing a full face and complete body armor kit…. riding his 8in travel DH bike, 45mph thru the city park?……thinking he is totally badass??? That's you aint it? lol

  2. Sneeky Pete, I still have no idea who you are. You just leave glue sniffing, penis pump comments and make me wonder who you are every time.

    As an internet coward who makes fun of others while hiding behind semi-anonymity, I can respect that.

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