The new Pro-Gos

I actually watched that whole video, and it was pretty cool. I mean, I’m sure if you were actually a fan of any one of the sports in the movie you would have found the clips of your sport as unsatisfying as we all found the five half-clips of Aaron Chase wheelie dropping skinnies in NZ, but visually the whole thing was impressive. And yes, I’m at least halfway pissed that DIAMONDBACK DF5 PRO RIDER Kelly McGazzalodi was on site for all those shots but only managed to get a clip of him pushing up a hill. The GorPo people probably don’t know that Chase stopped being relevant 6 years ago, they just saw the Red Bull helmet and saw $$$$.

To be fair, at least they can get Chase in the frame. You need to be at least 10 feet back to get all of Kelly in frame when you’re filming, and that’s shooting a fisheye. Even then, if you’re shooting full-frame instead of circular (and no ones shooting circular for big-budget camera ads) you’re going to have mega distortion around the edge. Those distortions aren’t gonna sell cameras, so Kelly’s in a tough spot. He’s probably going to have to lose at least 6 inches of height if he really wants to make the big time.

So yeah, 60 frames per second at 1080p is pretty sweet, but let’s just be realistic for a second. That new visual clarity isn’t going to help you capture all those widow maker waves you’re slaying at Mavericks or those 30 foot pool drops you’re launching in your whitewater kayak. It’s just going to help you make another 11 minute unedited video of you riding your local hill with 400 vertical feet of elevation loss.

Of the Gro Po 3’s that will be purchased in the Seattle area, 90% of them will be used to make one of these three videos:

1. 12 minute unedited Duthie Hill videos

2. Skiing 3 inches of heavy crud at Alpental, and maybe some clips of groomers, too.

3. They will never be used, like that hot tub you put in or that basketball hoop that the real estate agent convinced you was a sign; “You used to play Bball in high school right? Oh, JV… whatever, I can just tell that this is the house for you. I can feel it. Imagine, when you have kids, they too can neglect that basketball hoop, sit inside all day, and live in constant fear of failing to live up to their dreams, just like Dad.”