Exhibit A:

http://www.pinkbike.com/v/285697/l/Silvia – Treefur with Graham Agassiz on Pinkbike

I wasn’t referring to this video a couple days ago when I flipped out about Exaggerated Turning Technique #2, the freeride flick, but you guys keep sending me links, so here goes.

The pity with this video is that the ETT is so unnecessary. It ads nothing to what would otherwise be a stellar video. Oh, you were hurt and you’re back on the bike? Sweet. You can manual through anything on your big bike? Awesome. You can rip corners, haul ass, and crank a whip off a huge step up right after getting off the couch? Nice. On top of all that, you get paid to do all that stuff? Pretty dialed set up you have yourself there, Mr. Agassiz.

So I have to ask, do you really have anything left to prove? Why do you feel the need to do a superfluous, shitty little kick out whenever your eyeballs land on a trailside pile of barkdust?

Doing a loose bark chip kick out is the cornering equivalent of doing a one-hander on a jump:

One handers and Canadian Kickouts:

When you learn how to do it, you know you’re the shit. Like, paychecks are coming any day now, and you’re going to have to find some extra space to store those piles of money. Romney never had “binders of women” compared to the tail you’re gonna be pulling now that you mastered this maneuver and transcended from common bike riding into the realm of high art. Now suddenly it’s your go to move; wherever there’s a person that doubts your awesomeness, your rebuttal is simple- “Oh, maybe you didn’t notice I’m the boss…” until KA POW! you blow their fucking mind with your incredible demonstration of gratuitous bike skill and personal extremitude.

A one hander master, letting the dimes just roll in.

But just like the one hander, whoever learns the Canadian kickout quickly realizes that anyone with a rear brake or a moderate sense of balance can do one. Yeah sport, I know you thought you were the only one who knew that overturning and throwing your hips makes dust fly, but pretty much everyone that can get down Crank It Up has that move on lock, too.

So, Graham, pretty much everyone that can tie their shoes can do your cute little kick out, but can you think of anything you bring to the table that the average rider can’t do? Things that, alternatively, might differentiate you from the rest of the pack and help make you and your riding more impressive and memorable.

Like, can you think of anything you do that’s mind blowing, seemingly impossible, or would make any viewer shit their pants just looking at?

No, I can’t think of anything, either. Nothing comes to mind right away, any how.

One thought on “Exhibit A:

  1. There are days when I feel like people should be forced to watch Toy Machine “Welcome to Hell” two dozen times before they are allowed to upload a damn video to YouTube, Pinkbike, Vital, vimeo, etc.

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