Red Bull = George Lucas

Redbull has been so successful to this point that they have reached George Lucas status: everyone fears and reveres their success, and thus no one will ever again question them creatively.

This sounds like a good thing, until George comes up with a character like Jar Jar Binks. Or any of the flat, boring, useless characters from “Phantom Menace.” And can anyone tell me who or what “The Phantom Menace” is or what it means in regards to the plot of the movie?

Look Redbull, Flugtag is great. So’s RAMPAGE!!! But what the hell is this:

Here’s me, two minutes into that video:

The best I can figure is that you saw all the Gymkhana videos and said “Snap, we gotta play catch-up on this Ken Block/Monster thing.” And if you thought that, maybe you’d be right. But taking all your “best” athletes (sorry, but showing Lolo Jones hurdling sort of falls flat next to Robbie Maddison  45 feet up on a 90 degree hip) and having them each perform their easiest to replicate tricks, interspersed between clips of the most boring Rube Golberg machine I’ve ever seen…

straight nose manual = SO IMPRESSIVE

I think this all sounded like a great idea back at Redbull HQ, when they brainstormed this gem, sure to be a viral internet homerun- “No, but then when the Skydiver lands on the runway he [sort of] starts this massive Rube Goldberg machine with other athletes involved and then it [sort of] opens a can of Redbull at the end.” But then the athletes showed up, and they were told they HAD TO NAIL IT FIRST TRY OR ELSE WE HAVE TO RESET THE MACHINE IN EVERY TAKE, so they did some safe, easy, go-to (read: boring) tricks.

So in the end, the entire potential appeal of the video is destroyed by the producers because:

A) all your star athletes do stuff that every mid-grade pro (and some beginners) in their respected sport could do

B) the machine doesn’t even open the Red Bull in the end. It just cranks the layer of ice around the can, exposing it to be grabbed by the waiting snow boarder, who…

C) clearly isn’t going anywhere in the end. Like, hey guys, you’re not fooling anyone. That helicopter is going to land immediately after the director gives the thumbs up, snowboard bro is getting right back onto the tarmac, and then he’s throwing that Redbull in the garbage and going right back to his trailer. This video sure looks like it was taken outside of LA in the summer, which means the nearest snowboarding is here in Oregon, 1000 miles away. That’s a long chopper ride.

Well, it just doesn’t quite have the same feel as 650 horsepower of rev-limited, backfiring Ford tearing holes in my ear drums as Mr. Block jumps sideways and backwards off the side of a San Francisco street.

It pains me to say this, but in this round:

Monster Gymkana videos   >   Redbull Rube Goldberg machine/Video Sleep Aid

But either way, as guru/wise sage/reallyoldguy TimZim would say, they’re both posion.

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