My new goal

I’ve been traveling a bunch, and I can never find the time or concentration to do my homework when I’m traveling, and at this point, writing for TEAM ROBOT is more like homework than fun. So there goes one more part of my life that I previously enjoyed.  Life is tough, what with free food, travel, riding my bike all over the world, having to hike runs for pro photographers, it’s a lot for one guy to handle.

And that’s why Patrick has been the only one updating TEAM ROBOT.

Anyway, I finally realized what my new goal is for my racing “career.” Previously, I had hoped to have a long and successful career, to grow over time as a rider and as a person, and develop over time into a consistently fast rider who could point to a finely honed knowledge of race craft and a deep understanding of what it means to be a competitor in mind, body, and soul.
But then I saw the Danny Hart 5.10 video “Hart and Soul” and the new Red Bull/Brook MacDonald self-congratulatory bro echo chamber “Born and Raised,” and it hit me:
I don’t have to be a consistently good rider to get a big movie deal. I just have to win one race.
By the way, Redbull TV has the most crazy long embed code in the world, and I can’t figure out how to make it NOT auto play. Amateur hour.

Danny Hart wins World Champs = Five Ten movie deal.

Brook MacDonald wins one World Cup race = Red Bull movie deal.

In fact, being consistently fast actually seems to be counterproductive if you want to land the big movie deal. It’s not like Red Bull didn’t have another meteoric success story from a young rider to point to inside the Red Bull camp. You know, like if Red Bull had a rider who was developing into the winningest downhill rider in the history of the sport?  One who had already broken several records, who redefined the sport, and who only seemed to be getting faster year to year. One who broke a nation’s piss poor record on the international stage and seems almost unbeatable when he puts his mind to it. AKA a true “champion,” not just someone who won a race once. Where could they find someone like that on their roster?

No, I can’t think of anyone either.

And please don’t say “but Brook won Junior World Champs.” First of all, he won in Canberra, which pretty much doesn’t count unless you’re Peaty, in which case we were all looking for an excuse to give him the medal anyway. Peaty earned that medal ten years before he ever won it in Canberra, and 2009 was more of a knighting ceremony than anything else. His name is “Sir Steve Peat,” right? Realistically, if you weren’t Steve Peat in Canberra, your medal should read “Sorta [women’s/junior] Downhill World Champ, Kinda.”

Second of all, no one really cares about junior world champs after you’re 18. It’s great news if you win it, but if you show up to a senior men’s race the next year in a rainbow jersey you’re not gonna race until you take the jersey off. And that’s not even my rule, that’s the UCI. It’s kind of like showing up to a job interview with your spelling bee medal from the fifth grade. Sure, everyone’s happy for you that you did so great as a kid, but this is the big leagues now and your kid medal doesn’t mean shit anymore. You think I’m being harsh? Ruaridh Cunningham won World’s in 2007, two years before Brook. Where’s his “the Making of a Champ” movie deal? Exactly, no one gives a shit.

So when Red Bull says “the Making of a Champ” in referrence to Brook MacDonald, they’re pretty much referring to him being a World Cup Champ. No, not a World Cup Overall Champ, Not a Worl Champion, they’re referring to him being the Champion of a single World Cup round. And that’s fine, I guess, but why that deserves a movie when Greg Minnaar has been winning races and World Champs and World Cup Overalls since before I went through puberty, and despite Red Bull rider Aaron Gwin’s current campaign to be the best downhill racer in the history of downhill racing… it’s puzzling.

I didn’t watch it, but I only hope they decided to make the Brook movie so they can use lots of bulldog puns.

So yeah, basically I’m just jealous.

-Written by NW Cup Champ Charlie Sponsel