Unrideable

http://www.vitalmtb.com/product/feature/Sneak-Peek-2014-Rose-The-Unchained-DH-Bike,198

Seriously, what do they think they’re bringing to the table. The design looks like it was borrowed from a 2004 Transition Gran Mal. The only good thing you can say about that bike is that it lived up to it’s name: big and bad. Besides the fact that “Rose” is simply not an acceptable name for a bike company or that starting a product name with an article, a la “The Unchained,” is marketing set to full retard, why would a company even waste the money making a new downhill frame if the technology is five (or ten) years outdated? The shock is positioned high in the frame, the rear triangle looks about as stiff as string cheese and the cable routing by the BB looks like it was drawn up by Chef Boyardee.

Oh, but you’re offering a “super light build kit” that comes in with a claimed weight of 32 pounds. Cool, I thought it was just an ill-conceived turd of a bike, but apparently it’s a really light ill-conceived turd of a bike. With single ply tires. Sweet.

Which always leads me to wonder: who is going to buy this shitty, bizarre, outdated, scary looking frame from a previously unheard of brand?

Sounds like a job for the Germans. If you’re selling a restickered, outdated piece of cycling garbage, they’re you’re guys. They’re like the last branch of a tree that catches inferior bike companies right before they hit the harsh ground of reality. If you can just get your product into German markets and throw an aged and(or) irrelevant athlete from North America on it, you’ll be able to stay in the black for another five years easy.

There’s three things they like in Germany: dry sandwiches, David Hasselhoff, and shitty full suspension frames from sketchy unoriginal bike companies. Germany is for bikes what Japan was for rock musicians from the 80’s: years after the glory has faded, you can still eek years or even decades more life out of tired ideas that the rest of the world got smart on and kicked to the curb.

Schley knows where his bread gets buttered. He’s in talks with Rose Bikes as we speak.

8 thoughts on “Unrideable

  1. ocAt least in Germany there are still bike companies that actually design and produce their frame in Germany e.g. “Nicolai”. No sissy design, but rock solid and engineered to work instead of a hydroforming party with bad Fox suspension stuff.

    Rose is nothing else but a cheap internet based reseller. Nobody in Germany claims them to produce high quality bikes. You should to your homework first before hating on your blog. I also recommend you to travel the world first before hiding behind stereotypes such as “Germans like David Hasselhoff” (which nobody there does really…).

    Cheers!

  2. I love you guys for this post – because your actually completly RIGHT! haha.

    BTW: I'm also hosting this kind of blog to make fun of mtbing in general:
    http://mtbisdead.blogspot.de/
    Maybe you get some of those jokes – or not; it's in German. 😉

    P.S.: I'm a German (following your blog actually for ages now).

  3. you idiot.. in fact the Soulfire is not one of the nicest bikes, but one with great performence.. the most stylish bike is the YT Tues 2.0 and that engineer in Germany too.. so what..

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