The East Coast

Now that we complained about trails, TEAM ROBOT is sort of the go-to forum for everyone’s trail complaints. I recently received this email from a friend who, given TEAM ROBOT’s recent stance on flow trails, thought I might be sympathetic to his position:

“Because when I think of VT I don’t think of classic amazing single track… No, I think of paved dirt sidewalks. Go IMBA… Worst use of trail building money ever.”

-Charlie’s random friend who used to live in VT but doesn’t anymore but still cares because East Coast for life, dude


So first of all, as soon as I see Randy Spangler in a video, all sins are forgiven. Superheroes, Kranked, hell it could be the latest web edit from Kali Protectives, my hard-fought sense of objectivity goes right out the window as soon as Rippin’ Randy starts going off, talking about rippin’ and shreddin’. He’s like a forever coupon for instant forgiveness from me.

And besides, whenever I hear East Coasters, or worse, former East Coasters, argue or complain or brag about their trails, I’m sort of like:

Guys, everyone knows the East Coast sucks anyway. You’re not tricking me into caring, no matter how much you talk up “classic” this or “rooty, rocky” that. To me, a shitty 400 vertical foot sidewalk flow trail doesn’t seem a whole lot worse than a shitty 400 foot awkward “technical” one mile per hour “classic East Coast singletrack.”

Here’s your typical East Coast ski area:

And here’s how much I care about “land use issues” on that hill:
Standard East Coast trails:
Dialed East Coast trails:
So I guess I wasn’t specific enough in my recent posts. When I was talking about trail building and the IMBA and land-use, I was really talking about trail building and the IMBA and land-use in places that I actually care about.
So, like, not here:

8 thoughts on “The East Coast

  1. Cool BMX track.

    Those east-coast trail guys are barely able to keep up with the outcry for beginner level trails. The mythical hordes of riders who can't find a trail to ride somewhere. We are all haunted by them each time we fail to spread gold dirt on a pile of naughty roots.

    Certain builders, dug into the community like alabama ticks, continue to be a big part of infantilizing this sport for no good reason. Their tacit assumptions are bullshit and offensive. Riders are sheep. You are an idiot, we must dumb down the trail. Think of the children. Really they just want to spoon-feed a rider who is 40yrs old, wearing gaudy spandex with a big pot belly and legs like a chicken. This rider will never progress as a rider and has no interest in doing so. That rider just wants a commodity trail something that gives the same qualitative predictability that she/he can have at a gym. That is easy enough, it's called ROAD RIDING.

    When does IMBA start to sell the onesies at their store?

  2. Charlie, et al: You can't control your own irony. Pathetic.

    Good job queenie. But maybe you should stick to what you know. Like male grooming products, edible ass lubes, dildo varieties, and reviews of gay porn.

  3. Wrong, this is more hyperbole than irony. Mtb irony is the domain of modern trailbuilders and sadvocates.

  4. I'm an east-coaster, and yes, our “mountains” do suck compared to the real mountains out west. However, since I am not a wizard, there's nothing I can do about that. That being said, machine made and dumbed down trails suck arse.

  5. Its a green trail ffs!
    Get off your high horse Charlie…
    You should name your website Team Whiner

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