Spoon Fed

When this article posted on the front page of Pinkbike, people lost their minds:

Click the link to read the comments. People were up in arms, furious that someone would lock up their rear wheel and destroy a berm just for a photo. People were furious that the photo attempted to deceive them, that the riding wasn’t nearly as impressive as it purported to be. People were furious that the photo didn’t reflect reality, that someone would be so brazen as to, to, to STAGE a riding photo. 
In contrast to the uproar of the common man, I didn’t blink when I watched this video. I wasn’t particularly offended, not more than normal anyway. I didn’t laugh or cry, I didn’t call anyone to complain, and I didn’t watch it twice in disbelief. I didn’t think this video was noteworthy because this crap happens all the time. Par for the course. The mean time between major MTB media content containing freeride flicks or skid turns or brown pow is probably 90 minutes during business hours, which means in a given day my eye holes are subjected to at least six unique instances of horrible bike riding being passed off as “shredding.”
“Like what examples, TEAM ROBOT?” you ask. Like this or this or this or this or this or this. Okay, 30% of the Graves video is good riding, but he still freeride flicks.
This is what we’ve been saying for the last six years on TEAM ROBOT. Since 2008 people. Your eyes were blinded from the truth, but now you see it, and you can never unsee it. It’s like you took the red pill from Laurence Fishburne and then BOOM you wake up in that goo vat with all the wires sticking out of your body and then you get ejected from the goo vat down some creepy waste disposal slide and you’re floating around in some enormous red goo lake and then the lights, THE LIGHTS FROM ABOVE what are they? What are they? And then a claw descends from the lights above and it grasps you, and you fight it but there’s no fighting the robotic claw, it seems invincible and your body feels so weak, and you get carried up to the ship nearly unconscious and then when you wake up in the ship they all lean in and tell you the truth you were never ready to hear:
They’re not going fast in those mountain bike photos. They’re just skidding into dust piles.
This whole thing about skidding in turns and brown pow and freeride flicks is just like democracy or consumerism or mass media or boy bands or pick your common ailment. This didn’t happen by accident. You asked for this. This is what you wanted. And so that’s what the media and the companies gave you. Stupid humans.
Bow to your mechanized overlords. The apocalypse will be swift and we will cleanse you of this wrongdoing.

12 thoughts on “Spoon Fed

  1. Meanwhile, the 34th place rider in the last WC DH race you watched on Redbull– the one you skipped past to get to the “fast” guys– rides 7,346,981 times faster than you when he's hungover and/or not trying.

    But speed = dirt bombs exploding in berms, so you'd never know.

  2. Cattle (colloquially cows) are the most common type of large domesticated ungulates. They are a prominent modern member of the subfamily Bovinae, are the most widespread species of the genus Bos, and are most commonly classified collectively as Bos taurus. Cattle are raised as livestock for meat (beef and veal), as dairy animals for milk and other dairy products, and as draft animals (oxen or bullocks) (pulling carts, plows and the like). Other products include leather and dung for manure or fuel. In some regions, such as parts of India, cattle have significant religious meaning. From as few as 80 progenitors domesticated in southeast Turkey about 10,500 years ago.[1] According to an estimate from 2003, there are 1.3 billion cattle in the world.[2] In 2009, cattle became the first livestock animal to have a fully mapped genome.[3]

    Species

    Main article: Bovini
    Cattle were originally identified as three separate species: Bos taurus, the European or “taurine” cattle (including similar types from Africa and Asia); Bos indicus, the zebu; and the extinct Bos primigenius, the aurochs. The aurochs is ancestral to both zebu and taurine cattle. Now, these have been reclassified as one species, with Bos taurus primigenius and Bos taurus indicus.[4]

    Żubroń, a cross between wisent and cattle
    Complicating the matter is the ability of cattle to interbreed with other closely related species. Hybrid individuals and even breeds exist, not only between taurine cattle and zebu (such as the sanga cattle, Bos taurus africanus), but also between one or both of these and some other members of the genus Bos – yaks (the dzo or yattle[5]), banteng, and gaur. Hybrids such as the beefalo breed can even occur between taurine cattle and either species of bison, leading some authors to consider them part of the genus Bos, as well.[6] The hybrid origin of some types may not be obvious – for example, genetic testing of the Dwarf Lulu breed, the only taurine-type cattle in Nepal, found them to be a mix of taurine cattle, zebu, and yak.[7] However, cattle cannot successfully be hybridized with more distantly related bovines such as water buffalo or African buffalo.

  3. All that work and all those frames and that's the best shot they could pull off. Please throw away your camera

  4. well I'd rather watch those coastal crew guys ride than you in your last “winning with team robot” video

  5. Its hilarious to see all the anti team robot comments on here. Daniel Tosh said it best “Dave Mathews band sucks. If your upset right now you are the problem with this country. You are upset because of someone else's opinion.”

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