When this article posted on the front page of Pinkbike, people lost their minds:
Click the link to read the comments. People were up in arms, furious that someone would lock up their rear wheel and destroy a berm just for a photo. People were furious that the photo attempted to deceive them, that the riding wasn’t nearly as impressive as it purported to be. People were furious that the photo didn’t reflect reality, that someone would be so brazen as to, to, to STAGE a riding photo.
In contrast to the uproar of the common man, I didn’t blink when I watched this video. I wasn’t particularly offended, not more than normal anyway. I didn’t laugh or cry, I didn’t call anyone to complain, and I didn’t watch it twice in disbelief. I didn’t think this video was noteworthy because this crap happens all the time. Par for the course. The mean time between major MTB media content containing freeride flicks or skid turns or brown pow is probably 90 minutes during business hours, which means in a given day my eye holes are subjected to at least six unique instances of horrible bike riding being passed off as “shredding.”
“Like what examples, TEAM ROBOT?” you ask. Like this or this or this or this or this or this. Okay, 30% of the Graves video is good riding, but he still freeride flicks.
This is what we’ve been saying for the last six years on TEAM ROBOT. Since 2008 people. Your eyes were blinded from the truth, but now you see it, and you can never unsee it. It’s like you took the red pill from Laurence Fishburne and then BOOM you wake up in that goo vat with all the wires sticking out of your body and then you get ejected from the goo vat down some creepy waste disposal slide and you’re floating around in some enormous red goo lake and then the lights, THE LIGHTS FROM ABOVE what are they? What are they? And then a claw descends from the lights above and it grasps you, and you fight it but there’s no fighting the robotic claw, it seems invincible and your body feels so weak, and you get carried up to the ship nearly unconscious and then when you wake up in the ship they all lean in and tell you the truth you were never ready to hear:
They’re not going fast in those mountain bike photos. They’re just skidding into dust piles.
This whole thing about skidding in turns and brown pow and freeride flicks is just like democracy or consumerism or mass media or boy bands or pick your common ailment. This didn’t happen by accident. You asked for this. This is what you wanted. And so that’s what the media and the companies gave you. Stupid humans.
Bow to your mechanized overlords. The apocalypse will be swift and we will cleanse you of this wrongdoing.