This has nothing to do with mountain biking at all:


There always has to be a twist, theme, or angle to these arthouse mountain bike films. Some heavy-handed plot or storyline they’re trying to tell. Apparently it can never simply be “here’s a movie about people mountain biking.” There needs to be a helicopter chase scene or a jail break or muscle cars or horses running or anything else that has nothing to do with bikes.

There are two explanations I keep coming back to:

A) They just don’t care about mountain biking, or

B) Maybe they like mountain biking on its own merits, but they don’t believe other people will.

This probably doesn’t represent everyone involved in these productions. There are probably leagues of misguided mountain bikers who genuinely think they’re helping the cause or raising exposure or sharing the stoke or whatever. But explanation A or B (probably A) is almost certainly the story behind the DP’s and producers and all the official film-type people involved for these snoozefests.

What other reason could you give for trying to stuff and cram our beloved sport into some storyline about Cam McCaul running through Chicago wearing his dad’s suit? TGR is a ski-movie production company that gave up caring about skiing a decade ago, so the odds of them caring about bikes is approaching zero. The guys at TGR are care about bikes the same way I care about free samples at Costco.

I’m not going to pass on free guacamole, but I’m definitely not buying three pounds of it just cause Trudy wore her “I heart avocado” pin today.

30 thoughts on “UNREAListic

  1. It's the mud, it's the unintentionally riding over native plants, it's whether the wildlife there is scared by having mountain bikers coming crashing through.

  2. or C) It's what Sony, Shimano and Trek paid for and what the PB crowd is willing to skip exams to watch.

  3. “unReal is for those of us who escape. A film that celebrates breaking free from the confines of reality and venturing into a boundless world. This place isn’t remote or hard to find, and yet many never see it. Here, glacial walls transform into mountain bike trails, rain and snow aren't the only elements to fall from the sky and thousand pound mammals become riding partners. Breathtaking visuals conjure feelings of awe and pure joy; feelings that only those of us who venture outside can truly understand. This film is dedicated to you — the dreamers, the rule-breakers, the ones who never grow up, the ones who know the secret — the ones who know the way into the unReal world”

    Holy marketing laden buzzword batman…

  4. Charlie, just remember one thing before you make your posts……..MTBing is bigger than you. It doesn't conform to your Communist like ideas of how all films etc, should be this way, or that way. It's just a monster that is what it is. People in the bike industry may think they can control the trends w/29ers and what not, but they can't. If somebody wants to ride a FatBike in a skate park, then that's what happens. It's the same reason you went for a tacoboarding demo in your Vid. What you got in the movie above is a three way mix of Mtbers, Film Students and a lot of Juicebud

  5. I can't believe how many pinkbikers eat this shit up. I keep questioning my reality and wondering if I'm in a 5th dimension in a black hole – like some alternate universe where nothing makes sense. I keep screaming at the bookshelf that these movies suck, yet no one can hear me.

    No, its just that mountain bikers tend to be the dorkiest bunch of people on the planet. Probably explains why there are so many engineers who rides bikes. Its like their calling. A place where they can wear Costco jeans and hiking boots to a dinner party and talk about how extreme mountain biking is. Then there are the kids who ride to the local dirt jump park while wearing a fullface with goggles. Because riding down the sidewalk at 5mph requires full eye protection I guess. Those dudes who wear DC's and have a fucking lanyard *shudder* hanging out of their boardshorts. Those are the guys who dig these 'films'.

  6. Love how that squid in the Pinkbro comments section asked for bike film suggestions, and nearly every single one of the 17,000 lobotomy patients who replied said Life Cycles and Where the Trail ends.

    Load the nukes

  7. I bet the latest edits from Vinny T and Brannigan will shit all over this.

    Imagine if the Big budget mtb movie crew actually spent money on filming decent riders going batshit fast on their favourite trails instead of frothing at the mouth about some stupid dolly and track shot or shooting a trail in the dark.

    MTB films are going backwards. Clay porter actually managed to make a worse video than a bunch of guy with go pros when filming the fest recap.

    Bring back Rankin and give him some money and a crew!

  8. How can we connect to our audience of dirtbag mountain bikers and get them stoked to ride their local trails?

    Let's fly some freeriders up to a glacier and make 75% of the shots interviews about “dude i didn't know riding ice would be this gnarly, bro”

    Then wait for that perfect golden light to waste filming a guy riding slow and scared on a mellow open hillside surrounded by fucking horses.

    Then to keep the racers happy, we'll take two of the most aggressive, fastest chargers on the planet, and send them down a brand new machine built double-track with no big jumps, so that we can get lots of slow-mo shots of their tires skidding at 50billion fps

    Id rather pay 20 bucks for a 3 minute edit of Brannigan, Jackson, or Dean (Tennant) riding a shitty trail like crank-it-up at Mach-100. Fuck.

  9. This is where biking meets porn.
    Except the film is a sausage party with bikes……wait a second. Did someone say something about ghey in a previous comment?

    How cum none of these films has hot chicks?

  10. I almost stopped watching the trailer at the fifteen second mark, but then I decided I needed something to regret for the rest of the day, so I watched the whole thing. It worked.

  11. based on the almost overwhelmingly positive response to the trailer on pb i assumed i was just being curmudgeonly in my contrary opinion of movies like this (pretentiously tedious film school wank-fests). good to see i'm not the only one; my faith in humanity isn't completely lost.

  12. So, if you are a mid 40's has been bike racer, not an engineer, and liked this trailer…look forward to it, what does this mean?

  13. It means you want to be the Grand Marshal of the Penis Parade. That's what it means.

    Was it all the horsies that did it for you?

  14. for the guy that signed the check for it, it's A. for the people who made it it's B, but they're only concerned about the aforementioned check signing guy. it's a film that tells a story, bikes are just a plot device. maybe the GF will get all the way through this one without reverting to pintrest. I'm looking forward to the some parts: the PNW trail bike, Bas'fronty although they gave that away…

  15. Ya those guys suck. Living in a shitty van and getting mediocre results in races that dont matter is definitely where its at

  16. the only thing unreal about this movie is that somewhere, someone, at some point in time thought this whole premise was a good fucking idea.

  17. on another note, i watched an enduro “edit” the other day. the money shots from it wouldn't have made the b-reel of a downhill movie. it would be like a BMX video consisting of nothing but squirrel catchers.

  18. I'll see all you asshole keyboard jockeys at the premiere. This movie wasn't made for you, it was made for people who buy mountain bikes. People who pay retail and keep many of us employed.

  19. @livinthedream I buy mountain bikes. I ride them too. This video doesn't interest me; it interests people I know who watch it and say shit like “omg riding bikes on a glacier is crazy”, or “that bear looks pissed”. I have a splitboard and skins if I want to ride a glacier, and I take out my trail bike if I want to see a bear. I like videos where the riding is the main topic of conversation, not the cinematography and big-budget background noise.

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