It’s in the Geneva convention

If I see you at the races with ankle socks on, I’m going to make fun of you, preferably to your face. Don’t take it personally, it’s for your own good. There have been lots of theories posited, but in truth I don’t really know why we all wear tall black socks. Maybe it’s to keep duff out of your socks. Maybe it’s to protect your lower legs from abrasion. Maybe it’s doubling as SPF cotton. Whatever, you just do it.
Lucas Chalcraft: call out

Adam Ransavage: call out

Stevie Smith: call out

Steve Smith is the biggest offender. There’s a “with great power… blah blah blah great responsibility” thing going on here, but more importantly, history has shown his ankles need all the protection they can get. 
Really, they don’t even have to be black. You can be wearing the shittiest rasta colored pot leaf jah man socks and I’m not going to say anything. Yeah, they suck and you do too, but you expressed yourself within the confines of polite society, so we’re cool. You think that your “beer” socks are both original and hilarious? Fine, as long as they’re a 4-inch cut or greater. I don’t need to punish you with my words anyway, I’m sure your personality is punishment enough. There are so many bad, horrible, not funny or cute socks out there, perhaps an infinite variety of unfunny socks that boring people wear as a substitute for humor or personality, and while a part of me dies every time I see someone wearing them, as long as they’re not ankle socks, I can deal. It’s sort of like the way your parents look at you: yeah, they don’t agree with your lifestyle, choices, or girlfriends/wife, you’re borderline embarrassing when the neighbors ask, and they can barely keep it civil when you come home for dinner, but hey! You’ve got a job and you don’t ask for money very often, so that’s a win, right? They couldn’t have screwed up that bad.
And if you say something stupid about how you don’t care about fashion or how I’m being superficial, but you’re at a bike race and you still have a visor on your full face, you’re an idiot and I hate you.
Now on the other hand if you’re running full bullet head you can say whatever you want about stupid bike fashion- no argument here, you’ve earned that right.
Either way, you can wear ankle socks or you can wear a visor, but you can’t do both. 

52 thoughts on “It’s in the Geneva convention

  1. You're talking about fucking socks you cunt, get a fucking grip on yourself.
    I'm going wear ankle socks every time I ride if it annoys sand packed vaginas like you!!!

  2. Visorless rules, agreed. Everybody else is an a hole.

    Nothing is worse than those new Azonic DH knickers I saw some tall guy wearing at a race last weekend.

  3. What about that 'DISSENT' sock craze a few years ago? That was pretty fucknig horrible too.

  4. Are you supposed to tuck your shirt into your pants or leave it loose? I've never known which kids are the 'cool kids' at races, the tuckies or the flappers. I tuck half of mine in just in case.

  5. I've realized that I wear TLD bike shorts over chamois roadie bike shorts… really only to get a few pockets. If I'm not constrained by UCI downhill rules, why don't I just wear the lycra? Wouldn't that be more enduro-ready? Please respond with cogent argument

  6. Visors are dangerous and the UCI should rethink their policy concerning them. If one of those visors was to catch on something during an accident, a rider could sustain serious injury.

  7. never take fashion advice from a mountain biker. But, in this case, 100% correct.

  8. You can thank everyone from Queensland for tall black socks.

    As it happens, Canadians love ankle socks. All the heroes in Whistler not still wearing the DISSENT 'handed out for free at Crankworx a few years ago' socks are wearing little white ankle ones. Delightful.

  9. If you care about what people wear, get fucked. no one should care about what other people are wearing while biking. ever. sometimes you're kind of clever, but sometimes your an idiot. this is idiot time.

  10. But honestly, don't you people think that tall socks and shorts look pretty dorky when worn together?

  11. @Verskis


    The only sport where ankle socks are permitted is track & field.

  12. Some wear unfunny socks as a substitute for their personality, you make “edgy” posts on here to get attention as a substitute for you racing career.

  13. I'm sure everybody appreciated your insightful sock rage lecture

  14. whoever mentioned Big Tex up there was spot on, accept please refer to him not as “Lance Armstrong”
    He's “Seven time Tour De France Champion, Lance Armstrong,” and is the best cyclist of our generation.

    And brought tall black socks to mainstream cycling.

    Seven times

  15. I feel all weird if my ankles are showing. It's like even though I'm riding and looking ahead, I know I still look like a fucking weirdo. Luckily it's only happened once or twice on laundry day. I don't wear ankle socks unless I'm wearing jeans with the cuffs slightly rolled, which does happen a bit because I am hip. Honestly, if you don't have the right socks for the job, you should forgo shoes altogether and wear thongs. That's flip flops for you yankee cunts. (G-strings are totally optional).

  16. ^^this guy shaves his sack more often than his face. But I do agree G-strings can be optional.

  17. we call it short bus helmet, not bullet head. IE “dude's riding short bus style”

  18. My favorite is the “responsibility” quote. The “blah blah blah” is a replacement for one word. Nice job Chuck.

  19. thirty something comments regarding sock length. the internets is serious business

  20. It's still ok to wear them on road bike rides so no need to throw the short socks away. I like ti combine them with super short roadie shorts on hot days for complete comfort and cooling, especially with a heavy layer of chamois cream spread evenly on tHe undercarriage of the human body, approximately 1mm thick for long rides. On the road nobody cares about socks it's all about cadence. Hold your line, hold the wheel, hold the gear, things new to mountain bikers but old news to new age mountain bikes
    Eventually the short socks will make a comeback they are too cool figuratively and literally. What will you say then? Will you wear them with your short pants?

  21. the last time i wore ankle socks i found two ticks on my ankles.

    therefore ankle socks = LYME DISEASE

  22. Dood, you're fucking riding bikes in the woods with a bunch of dorks! Who are you even trying to impress? In my mind, the ENTIRE point of fashion, is to impress people you want to fuck. I can say with certainty, that I have no interest in dorky mtbruhs or manly mtbitches.
    I'll wear whatever socks I want in the woods, thanks.

  23. Woo Hoo – made team robot. Surprised I was not getting the call out for the neon gloves google combo going on, but I will take ankle socks if that's my 15 mins. Very funny, I will never look at my sock drawer the same anyways.

    However – I am going to write these guys about a DH Helmet for their next model -think it will mix in nicely. Maybe it can flash when in the air, or just explode if you get passed.

  24. What happens when all of Team Robots tall socks are to crusty from long solo nights in the van? Do you deal with the crusty Jizz for the sake of fashion or wear your last clean pair of roadie socks?

  25. I wore some of my ankle socks once on a ride. It was the last time. I had so much shit in my socks after that ride, it was to be understood why long socks are better when riding.

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