Sponsorship season

All around the country, marketing managers’ inboxes are being flooded by 15 year olds who want blue handlebars, by aging and increasingly irrelevant has-beens trying to squeeze a couple more years out of their past success, and by “team managers” for regional and junior development Cat 2 race teams.

Or as I like to call them, “buyers clubs.”

The amount of self-aggrandizement, unwarranted stoke, and lack of self-awareness being unleashed right now makes American Idol tryouts look like AA’s confession night. The misspellings alone make a fourth grade spelling bee look like a Harvard study group.

The only people who aren’t sending in resumes are the real athletes. There’s two reasons for this. First, real athletes are relevant and most people in the industry already know them, but second, a lot of real athletes are mouth-breathing neanderthals and don’t know what a resume is. Of course correlation isn’t causation, but for instance, there’s a strong correlation between my ability to type coherent sentences and my apparent inability to qualify at a World Cup.

Ogre from “Revenge of the Nerds” or Sam Dale on a bad hair day? We report, you decide.

So if you find yourself short on race results this October but you still need to line up #freeshitbro for next year, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do this dance. Given that we’re in the 21st century, consider a demo roll or video resume. It’s a nice change of pace for marketing managers who are used to reading page after page of race results and flipping through black and white photocopied images on cheap printer paper. With the power of music harnessed in your video, you have the ability to set the emotional tone for whoever is watching your resume. Video resumes show that you’re fluent in new media, a necessary visual language for anyone in the marketing business.

Done correctly, a video resume can really set you apart from the competition:

21 thoughts on “Sponsorship season

  1. With Mosely retiring maybe you finally have a podium shot in the women's category.

    Tuck your cock between your legs and the sponsors may not notice…..

  2. Is Santa Cruz gonna gonna hook you up with a fresh xxl v10 for next season?
    I bet that would give you the needed confidence booster to qualify.

  3. maybe some cat 2 kid will just make some dumb blog hating on the ones that support the industry like you chaz.


  4. You're only slightly relevant for trying to write “edgy” posts on your blog.

    But hey at least you can keep afloat through your bro-deal hook ups.

    Until just recently I was under the impression that Gravity and Felt had long been out of business. It must be satisfying having support from such huge players in the industry.

  5. don't forget to add all your dns results. nothing impresses sponsors more then all the times you have crashed out of a major event.

  6. I just want to know how you are even coping when we all know Norbz and the coastal crew have parted ways!

  7. I heard Norbs got pissed cuz Dylan and the other CC dudes said they weren't going to help him build his line At Rampage.

  8. Gravity bits and pieces are pretty decent…robots problem is gravity itself…seems as if he's descending on the moon most races.

  9. But what about norms Charlie I wait patiently for your say on the guy they call norby

  10. I heard the Coastal Crew told Kyle he should get a crew of Hispanic day laborers at Home Depot to build his line at Rampage………that set him off.

  11. A LOT of companies ask you not to send in videos. Im hoping that was a joke, sending in a “video resume” doesnt show that you are good at anything really. It just shows us that you have a friend that is a good with new media. Putting together a well thought out and laid out resume that isn't 100 black and white and has your name centered at the top and a million bullet points will get you way further than a DVD with your name and “video resume” on it. If you make your resume in any word processing program like MS word or apple pages, Kill yourself.

  12. ^ Yeah! If your resume is a video kill yourself! and if your resume has words in it kill yourself! I'm great!!!!!

  13. Video resumes are great. Helps convey personality and disposition, which especially to local sponsors can be more important than just pure results.

    @1:12 needs to check his retarded logic on picture resumes or whatever the fuck he's advocating, as if a “well thought out” non Word resume couldn't be put together by some friend with graphic arts knowledge.

  14. In my little experience, the best athletes to work with are the ones who don't really have to ask for help. Their actions speak louder than any resume (cheesy or not).

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