If you’re ever filming a friend hit a jump for the first time, and he overshoots the jump by 30 feet, mid-nosedive, headed for an immediate ambulance ride, TEAM ROBOT has a friendly reminder for you:
Hold that phone or camera steady and keep filming. Please. You might feel pangs of guilt and a sense of responsibility, but in this moment you have a higher calling than even your sacred bond of friendship: millions of people the world over want to see a complete clip of your friend eating shit, and you owe them that. I want to see your friend eating shit. Later you’ll want to see your friend eating shit. Provided he doesn’t die on impact*, your friend will definitely want to see an uninterrupted, unshaky video of him eating shit. Don’t blow it.
It’s tough, but you have a duty here. You need to put on your big boy pants, hold the camera steady, and stand firm like the stoic, emotionless documentarian we need you to be.
*or on the ambulance ride, or from complications in the hospital, or after a multiyear coma like Steven Seagal in Hard to Kill, or any other sort of crash-related death that would prevent him from watching a cell phone video of them eating shit before going up to the Jerry Hall of Fame in the sky.